Fate at the Crossroads

There are recurring themes in my life. One of these is being alone.

The fact that I’m an only child meant I spent a great deal of time on my own. Did it make me intolerant of the ways that other people did things? Probably. Did it make me more self-sufficent and less likely to depend on someone else? Absolutely. I would rather walk crosstown than wait for a bus, if I had the choice. Who wants to rely on someone else, anyway?

But, of course, everyone needs to rely on someone else, at least occasionally. And now, I see how being snide, self-important and superior is really unwise in the long run.

I don’t think I was intentionally nasty to people, unless I got it from them first. And yet, I have only a couple of friends from high school. Obviously, I didn’t do something right!

As a kid, I wanted my life to be like “Zoom” or “The Mickey Mouse Club…” everyone gets to have fun together, to work as a team or in smaller groups, to perform, to dance, and get to where we all were going, all of us!

I bought into that whole “Muppet Movie” thing. You add people on as you go, you appreciate the journey for being what it is, and you appreciate the people who come along with you. Celebrating should be a daily ritual, like prayer, meals and masturbation!

The other learning experience I’m reminded of is that when you’re a “new” person in any given situation, people who have a hole, an ache within themselves, can and will use you as their target. You can be the bullseye for their derision, since they don’t know you. They can size you up, cut you down and feel better about themselves with just a few keyboard strokes and the click of a mouse.

So, even as you are trying to invite people along to share the scenic wonders of the journey, you must also, at the same time, deal with them slapping at your legs, throwing their drinks on you and shouting bad names while you try not to drive yourself off the edge of that cliff.

I need to pull over for a rest stop. Maybe I’ll have a Slurpee. A Reese Sticks, no, wait, Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets, just because I’m in that kind of mood.

Ya know, I like being helpful. I want to be helpful where I can. But I can only help out so much. There’s only certain things I can do.

On the dinner plate of life, I’m not the entree. I’m not even the vegetable. I’m kind of a spice. Probably one that you have heard of, but don’t quite know what it does…

Hi, call me Cumin.

Who?

Exactly.

I don’t think I’m trying hard enough. I must be on the right track, since things are getting more difficult. That’s my one positive through the fears and self-doubts. This must be the right road, since I’m not enjoying the ride!

Well, I can’t sit in the ExxonMobil 7 Eleven all day. Gotta keep moving forward. It’s my driving ambition.

If you’re traveling my way… maybe we can have a convoy? We’ll just use hands-free cellular phones instead of CB radios.

Just don’t take too much offense at the other drivers.

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