True Life Stories From The Lookalike World

If you’ve seen my gravatar, and I suspect you have, you have an idea about what I look like. The picture was taken while my hair was still damp, so it’s a little bit more relaxed than it often is. And when I wear it like this, I do get the occasional “Hey! You look like Jesus Christ” comment. Thank God that doesn’t happen often, though. But certainly I have been compared to several famous names over the years, and here’s brief composite of those…

Here’s a typical (albeit several years old) pic of me to start:

NYCPenpusher

When my hair is totally dry, this is more or less how I look, though currently I’m sporting a beard, which really helps prevent these obvious comparisons from happening. But, why am I spoiling my own story with this?! At any rate, a person once commented that they thought I looked like…

“Weird” Al Yankovic

I guess that’s a compliment? Certainly I wrote my share of song parodies over the years, but I had no way of getting anyone interested in them, not my classmates or even my mom! I don’t know that I could have had a career as a song parody creator. I gave up on the piano lessons during junior year of high school, and I fear it’s too late to go back. Though I did have a stint at FAO Schwarz where I learned to play a bunch of tunes on the “Big” Piano. I wonder if I could still do it? Eh. Probably not.

I was invited to a Penthouse Magazine “Pet Event” maybe around 1994 or so? I’m not even sure I remember why I was invited. There were several celebs in attendance all trying to get a glimpse of the Pets, including Jon Stewart, Ben Stiller, Sara Gilbert… Anyway, one of the main pets was Amy Lynn Baxter, who was one of the hosts of the evening. At the time, Amy Lynn was a frequent visitor to and a self-proclaimed fan of radio “Shock Jock,”

Howard Stern

Amy Lynn and Howard had been on-air flirting for years. Some people thought that it was all just an act, Howard included, and that Amy Lynn was only being nice to him to get some publicity from his show. Of course, it was going nowhere, as Howard was (at the time) happily (so HE thought) married, and I don’t know if he would have ever truly considered having a relationship with her, even if he were unattached.

Anyway, on the evening of this event, I walked into the place. Amy Lynn turned to me as I entered… and her eyes lit up and she smiled broadly at me for a moment from across the room… then, she realized I WASN’T Howard, turned away and went about her business. So, I’m certain that she really did have a thing for the guy. Poor her. Howard got divorced and since married Beth Ostrosky, a model who DIDN’T pose nude, and who bears some resemblance to Amy Lynn!

Next, I was working on a pretty big and what was going to be high profile project in the fashion industry. My business partner at the time and I were deciding on places we could use as our offices to welcome clients and be able to utilize as workspace and we found a trendy hotel downtown that we thought would be both relatively affordable and cool and chic enough to be our digs until we got the project fully working (of course, the project never got working, but that’s yet another story for another time).

Anyway, I’m seated in the lobby on a lounge, and suddenly I heard a scuffle and commotion from behind me. When I turned around, I noticed a couple of people were being held back by a member of the hotel staff. Those people thought I was…

Slash

of Guns n’ Roses and Velvet Revolver fame. I only discovered this because the hotel staffer thought I was Slash as well. The kicker was that Slash was actually staying at the hotel at the time, so I guess there was some logic to all of that madness.

As the millenium ended, I went to Los Angeles for the red carpet premiere of “200 Cigarettes,” a film with an all-star cast. The Paramount lot was hosting the party, and a lot of big names were there, including many of the actors from the movie, like Kate Hudson, Jay Mohr (who I cross paths with in the oddest ways), Dave Chappelle and a few others. I was wearing a Yankees jacket (the movie was set in New York on New Year’s Eve 1981, so I figured it was appropriate… but who knew the Kate Hudson/Yankee connection would be ahead?) and I was just hanging.

Going to a movie theater on a studio lot is an experience I hope every film fan gets to have at least once. Even if the film you’re watching sucks (as this one did) it’s very worthwhile, since those theaters are state of the art, kept completely pristine and have the best seating! The great thing was the post film concert by Blondie which more than made up for the lame film that I hope you never bother viewing, despite having a bunch of usually good actors in it.

So, before the movie began, I saw Melissa Joan Hart hanging out with Lindsay Sloan, who were both on “Sabrina, The Teenage Witch” at the time. Melissa kept staring over at me as I sat in my seat, and then she walked over towards me to get a not-so-subtle closer look as she casually walked up the aisle I was seated by, and strolled, continuing to stare the whole way. I wanted to ask her what she was looking at, but I controlled my impulse and just stayed cool.

After the film ended (yes, I stayed for the entire thing) in the lobby of the theater,  I saw Goldie Hawn was in attendance, there to support her daughter. She was surrounded by people who were talking with her, and she looked utterly bored. Then, she saw me, gave me one of her trademark smiles, walked away from those people and came directly towards me! I almost looked over my shoulder to see who she was REALLY going to talk to… but it was me! She said, “Hi!” We shook hands, I congratulated her… (no, I didn’t say “nice daughter…” though I thought about it!) and that was about the extent of it.

Later, I found out that about that time, Kate was dating

Lenny Kravitz

In the lower lighting of the screening theater, I’m guessing this was Melissa and Goldie’s mistake.

Finally, I was wandering around a store that sold CDs, so you know this is another ancient tale. Yeah, there are still some stores that sell ’em, but that’s pretty rare indeed, nowadays. So, the security guard starts keeping an eye on me. No biggie. I’ve been eyeballed by security in the past. But then the guy starts tailing me, like every aisle I’m going down! I was really getting annoyed at this point. Moments later, the guy comes right up to me. I expected him to frisk me or ask to look in my backpack or something. Instead, he nervously asked, “Excuse me, but are you… him?”

The security guy points up at a poster of…

Kenny G

I swear, I thought the guy was making a bad joke, but looking in his eyes, I could see he was sincere. He really wanted to know if I was Kenny G! So, I modestly nodded yes, grabbed a Kenny G box set and walked outta there. Okay. No, I didn’t do that, and I wouldn’t have on principle alone! But yeah. It’s a wacky world of people desperate to meet celebs!

So tell me… who have people said you look like?

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